We read in media and networks that masculinity is in crisis. That women have evolved greatly in our roles in recent years, while men fail to find their place in a new masculinity that, however, is not macho. And perhaps the way of relating in a sentimental or sexual field is where it is most noticeable that feeling of many men of not understanding that the world is changing. Or to understand it, but not knowing how to assimilate it. Or to want to do everything right, but have no idea how.
We have talked to five men. Of different ages and environments; single or divorced. And they have explained to us what difficulties do you find today to flirt... Not those of a lifetime, but those associated with feminism. So that we are clear about what comes to mind:
"I realized that I was doing everything wrong the day I scared a girl"
Fernando, 37, social educator. He has had several long relationships, but for a couple of years he is single. And he acknowledges that something that happened a few months ago caused him to change his perception of the different ways in which men and women see the act of flirting. "I have the feeling, that maybe it's subjective or maybe not, that in the last year there has been more talk about feminism and machismo than in the previous thirty. And I suppose that cases like the one of the rape of Pamplona or the one of Diana Quer, for example, that we used to see as acts of psychopaths and now, we now relate them to machismo. "
"Last summer I was fooling around with a girl in a bar. As I always have, as we do almost everyone, I suppose. A drink, a little conversation, 'jijiji', 'hahaha' and, in the end, she tells me that he is leaving. I told him if he was coming to my house and he said no. And I insisted, as he walked by his side; I told him that we could take the last one together. Then, she started walking pretty quickly, picked up the cell phone and He kept looking back in case he was following her. It was at that moment that I realized that I had scared her and I felt like real shit. "
The solution? "I think it goes through a social change so profound that we may not even feel it in this generation We would have to review the basis of how we educate our children so that relations between men and women are based on equal respect. "
"We have reached a point where we have to measure the words so much that it is impossible to link"
Antonio, 29 years old. He recognizes that he likes dating and sporadic sex, that he has never sought a relationship. And it joins that comment that is heard from time to time in the groups of boys, that of "is that it is not even going to be able to link".
"I think that feminism has run out of political correctness. It is something that all my friends often comment, which is no longer possible to link without some women looking like bullies. If you invite her to a drink, it may seem that you want to get her drunk. If you insist a little to try something, you're a stalker. you better make sure you have the express consent Or you may end up having a problem. I don't know ... Everything has become too difficult. "
The solution? "Relax all a little. That not everything is identified as harassment, machismo or even feminism. Worrying about the real problems of women and not complicating something that has not worked so badly so far. "
"I think about the things we did twenty years ago and ..."
David, 42, divorced. He explains that he was married for many years and that when he returned to the world of dating and flirting with women, a completely different picture was found than he knew. But he doesn't criticize it. "I have a 7 year old daughter and towards what the world evolves is what I want for her ".
"When I tried to flirt again, after many years away from the night, I realized that everything had changed. I no longer had twenty-one nor the women that interested me either. And I think that, when we were younger, We were looking for girls who had gone over drinks, because we knew it would be easier. and ... I'm ashamed. Or even when we were teenagers and kissing with a girl, we tried to play tit even if we knew she didn't want to. It was normal and nowadays I can't even ask ourselves to normalize behaviors like that. "
The solution? "I think that things are on the right track and that, in ten or fifteen years, my daughter will not feel pressured by anyone to 'be linked', but that men and women will be on equal terms, also in sex, as is already being done in everything else. "
"I don't know what the barrier is between flirting and harassing"
Miguel, 34, single. He acknowledges that he feels a bit lost with the new challenges that relations between men and women present. "I think men are facing a difficult situation right now, and it is that we totally depend on which women we try to establish a relationship with, how committed and conditioned I am for feminism. "
"I don't know what the barrier is between flirting and harassing. I have never met a woman who, as soon as I introduce myself, says 'hello, you can make progress, because I am willing'. And in the score, it may seem like we are harassing. Recently my cousin told me that she would love to be able to go out with her friends one night and that no uncle would approach them 'to bother.' Is it that the simple fact of approaching already bothers you? So how are we going to meet? "
The solution? "That women speak more clearly From what they do, if they don't want anything, say right away, don't let them leave them alone. And that men do not propagate if that time comes, of course. "
"I want equality, but sometimes I think all the charm of the beginnings has been lost"
Luis, 27 years. He declares himself feminist and yes, he also believes that there is a crisis of masculinity and that many men are a bit lost in their ways of behaving today. "At least non-sexists," he adds. "Those do not doubt and are very clear that everything is the fault of the feminazis', but those of us who want real equality, in deeds and words, we don't know very well how to do some things".
"As for the subject of flirting, I think that all the charm of the beginnings has been lost. When you meet a girl and approach her, you fool her, call her, and even do something that until recently was considered romantic, now it's hard to tell if the girl is going to feel upset, so the easiest thing is to avoid those gestures. I am ashamed to recognize that it is our fault, men, for how we have been for centuries. "
The solution? "Convince us all that we are not enemies, we are not on opposite sides. And that men who are not sexists let us conduct our friends who harass, that do bother at night to women. "
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